It is very natural to have requests such as “My child should not lie, be self-confident, and can tell without fear”. One of the greatest desires of a mother is undoubtedly to establish a correct communication with her child. However, sometimes you may not realize that you are putting obstacles while supporting him.
1. Constantly praising the child!
The dosage of praise is very important. Because when you are constantly praising your child, you lose your reality unfortunately. Of course, you will praise your child, but it is very important to establish a balance here.
You’re seriously damaging your child’s sense of self when you praise every move he makes. When you first ride a bike, paint for the first time, etc. Of course you can praise. In other cases, however, simply use words of kindness instead of praise.
2. Giving constant confidence
The child needs to be understood. The academician mother gives an example. Say to her child, who is just learning to ride a bike, “You do it, it’s baby work for you.” When you say that, you increase his anxiety. In the child “What if I can’t do it, even babies can do it, what if I can’t do it.” thought can occur.
In such a situation, say to your child, “It is very normal to be afraid of falling off the bike. When I first got on it, I was so scared, I thought the bike would topple over. I learned slowly. You will learn little by little.” You need to make him feel self-confident by giving an answer in style.
Remember that it’s not just children; No matter how old we are, we always want to be understood.
3. Frequent imperative sentences
Academicianmother says we use too many imperative sentences against children during the day, even if unintentionally. It’s not unfair either. Think about how much you use words like do, don’t, pick up, get up, sit, stop during the day and it doesn’t work that well. Then you think your child is not listening, right?
Children who are given too many orders may develop the opposite, rebellious behavior, or fear. When you act without forgetting that your child has a personality, wants and needs, you can remove the biggest obstacle in front of your communication.
4. To warn constantly, to intimidate
“If you do not wash your hands, you will get sick, we will go to the doctor.”, “If you do not eat your food, you cannot grow.” Academiciananne says it is a big mistake to use sentences like these. This situation; While trying to raise independent, self-confident children, it immediately leads to the development of a fearful, submissive and anxious behavior pattern.
So what can you do? It may be helpful to offer options instead of such sentences. Instead of “You can’t grow if you don’t eat”, “Do you want to eat your meatballs or yogurt first?” like say. Of course, for this, your child must be hungry first. When children have the choice, they feel in control.
5. to criticize, accuse
“Did you spill it on you again?”, “I would be surprised if you did something without telling me anyway.” Sentences such as criticism and accusation cause the child to feel inadequate. It prevents the development of self-perception by creating a feeling of “I can’t do anything anyway”.
In such cases, the child does what he says so that you don’t scold him, not because he understands why. You don’t want to raise an introverted, insecure child, do you? Then you need to stay away from making accusatory sentences.
6. Name-calling, mocking
Negative labels such as “Big head”, “You dirty boy”, “Lazy” make the child feel worthless. He thinks he is not loved or wanted. Children adopt the tags attached to them. “I am lazy anyway, this behavior suits me.” they can think of. Therefore, be very careful with the adjectives and words you use.
If you want to communicate effectively with your child, try to understand his wishes by trying to avoid communication barriers. When you do not perform a behavior, first think about what could be the reason behind it. If he doesn’t want to eat, maybe he’s full, if he doesn’t want to wash his hands, maybe the water is too cold or he doesn’t like the smell of soap…
Before labeling your child as stubborn, disobedient and unruly, it’s a good idea to look back at your own communication style, says Academicianmother. First you have to prick yourself with the needle.
7. The magic of eye contact in communication
According to Academiciananne, the benefits of speaking by looking into your child’s eyes are as follows:
- He feels that the little one is valuable.
- He truly feels listened to.
- The message you want to give reaches its place more effectively.
- It makes processes such as learning and retaining information more effective.
- She feels safer and happier.
There is nothing in this world like looking into the hopeful and joyful eyes of your child, right? So, be careful not to break your communication from eye to eye and knee to knee.