The biggest problem that damages children’s self-confidence is the behavior of their parents towards them. Some words, actions and behaviors that parents often say without realizing it deeply damage the self-confidence of children and can create permanent problems in their characters.
So, what are the parental behaviors that damage self-confidence in children, what actions should be avoided in order to raise self-confident children?
1- Putting love on conditions
“I won’t love you if you misbehave!”, “I will love you if you tidy your room!” Discourses such as these cause the child to think that love depends on conditions and that there is no concept of reciprocal love. He begins to fulfill obligations only to be loved. This undermines the child’s self-confidence and causes him to grow up without love.
2- Exhibiting perfectionist behaviors
Every family wants their child to be successful. However, this issue is almost hanging by a thread in terms of children’s self-confidence. If you want your child to be successful, if your expectations from him are too high and this desire is reflected in his behavior, your child may begin to be overwhelmed by this desire. Because of this behavior, the child may begin to think that he is inadequate, incapable and unsuccessful. That’s why he loses his self-confidence over time.
Instead, it would be more accurate to guide your child with compassion and aim for success according to his capacity. When you start a business, guiding him, giving him tips and helping him on the way to success will prevent his self-confidence from being shaken.
3- Making comparisons
The biggest thing that destroys the self-confidence of children is definitely comparing them with other children. “Look, is your brother like you?”, “Your classmates’ report card is better than you!”, “Ayşe always helps her mother!”, “Ali studies harder!” Even if you think you are motivating him with words like this, you should know that you are actually hurting him.
Making comparisons and criticizing your child over the successes of others always breaks his self-confidence and enthusiasm for work. These words make the child think that he is already inadequate and unsuccessful, and that he does not need to do more. That’s why you should never compare your child with others, but evaluate him by his own successes and failures.
4- Criticizing with sarcastic attitudes
“You cry like a baby!”, “You seem like you’ve grown so much!”, “How old are you, what are you doing?” Words like this make him feel worthless and incompatible. If your child is crying, he is upset about something. If he has not acted appropriately for his age, he needs to learn the truth. In order to gain self-confidence, it may be an option to find out the reason for crying and to correct the wrong situation politely, instead of teasing and criticizing the child in such situations.
5- Trying to correct his actions with a sense of guilt
In a moment of mischief, when you interrupt something that needs to be done and in such situations, you will say “You are going to kill me!”, “I will get sick because of you!”, “Your father is coming home late because you did this!” Saying sentences like these causes the child to feel insecure and feel that he is always the cause of distressing situations.
6- Not giving importance to their ideas
In particular, not consulting your child’s opinion on matters related to him and making decisions on his behalf causes your child to feel inadequate. In the future, this attitude causes the child to remain passive. To prevent this, it may be helpful to ask her what she would like to eat for dinner, and to consult her opinion while buying her an outfit.
7- Looking tough, setting strict rules
Limiting your child with strict rules that will never be exceeded, preventing him from acting according to his own wishes and causing your child to behave like this for the rest of his life. Children who live by strict rules are stopped when they have to act outside these rules and are detained, so to speak. Of course you can set some limits on it, but these should be stretched as needed. Remember, it may be possible, up to a point, to scare your child into making them successful.